In the future we'll all be gay
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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