She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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