im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
