he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
