my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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