If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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