As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
