i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize