dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
