ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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