absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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