I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
