Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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