Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just found puke in my bra..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
