i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
In other news, I just burned my penis
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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