Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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