She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
