how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize