just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
