We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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