Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
