Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
