I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
