if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
