Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
