rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
