I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
