i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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