Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
