i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
