And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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