He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
