Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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