I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
