I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Randomize
