He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
