I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
