dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
