theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
