Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
whose ass print is on the piano?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize