pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He uses pillows to masturbate.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We need a shit load of segways right now
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
