and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
