after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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