i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
