hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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