I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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