omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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