he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
