I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I need water and some morals
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
