We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize