What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
