Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
