We got so high we made milksteak
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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