i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
