If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
