I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
