brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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