the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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