can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
