I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i out mim tonsoeep
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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