just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
