yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My vagina is officially offended.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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