Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
