I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
