I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
