Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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