whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we made out on top of his cat.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
