I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize