During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize