Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
