well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
