i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
