i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
