Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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