Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
