OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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