My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
