I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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