Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
