yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
