ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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