Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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