You work out of a Hotel?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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