This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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