you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
