I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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