we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
